


Born to Find you

by AlecWinchester



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Love at First Sight, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus really likes to wax poetic about Alec, Mutual Pining, Soulmates, so much fluff and pining, they belong together but they are such idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 12:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18343994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlecWinchester/pseuds/AlecWinchester
Summary: Magnus and Alec; Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood, just two names in a world full of first names and last names, they shouldn't matter much, except for these two names, Magnus and Alec, Alec and Magnus, these two names. They did matter, they mattered quite a lot. In fact, they were the two most important names in the universe, because they belonged together.---AKA the fake dating AU where Magnus is a pining mess that no one asked for.





	Born to Find you

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I did delete the original fic of this and rewrote it--but good news it's longer! So more fluff, more angst and more pining. Hi, hello, by the way I am Sam and I sometimes forget I am a writer. But anyway, hope you enjoy this little fun fic! Also yes, this is dedicated to Alex aka insiemes aka my whole heart and the person who always hypes me up and inspires me.

Magnus and Alec; Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood, just two names in a world full of first names and last names, they shouldn't matter much, except for these two names, Magnus and Alec, _Alec and Magnus_ , _these **two names**_. They did matter, they mattered quite a lot. In fact, they were the two most important names in the universe, because they belonged together.

 ---

Magnus has been in love with Alec for as long as he can remember, he truly doesn't remember a time when his heart wasn't completely and wholeheartedly devoted to Alec, from the very moment Alec blew into his life, Magnus was lost.

 Magnus met Alec through mutual friends and when Magnus really looks back on it, it feels like fate; destiny if you will, almost like every choice he made, every word, every thought, every feeling, every step was supposed to lead to him meeting Alec. From the very moment Alec turned his smile towards him; bright and lovely, warming Magnus from the inside out, filling him with something akin to sunlight. Magnus was lost, from that very second Magnus knew he would give everything and anything to keep that smile on his face.

Alec Lightwood was everything Magnus Bane has ever wanted, tall, dark and handsome, a heartbreaker in looks, but with a heart of gold and a soul spun from light.

They met because of Isabelle, she threw a party and by some lucky chance she got the elusive brother Magnus has heard so much about but has never met, to come, and if Magnus was honest, he thanked the universe every day since then.

It was a weird thing, him and Alec, like when you meet another person and even though you’ve never met them, never even seen them in your _entire_ life yet, they seem familiar. Like something just clicks the moment you meet and somehow it feels like you’ve known them forever.

The moment Magnus met Alec Lightwood, something inside him shifted as if making room for Alec, so he could dig his way under Magnus’ skin, worming his way into a large part, actually no, more like taking all of Magnus’ heart in one fail swoop. He thinks maybe, just maybe, they knew each other in another life and now in this life, they have finally found each other and are relearning everything once again, falling in love once again, reacquainting of the souls.

But maybe Alec’s soul doesn’t recognize Magnus yet. Or, maybe Magnus is just a fool in love.

 _A fool in love._ Yeah, that sounds about right.

\----

He hadn’t realized just how deep he was for a long time, but since that moment he can’t imagine existing without being in love with Alec, he breathes Alec like he’s the very oxygen he needs to survive, which is why in a life-threatening situation ( _or so Magnus says,_ **it wasn’t** ), he immediately went to Alec, which now that he thinks about it, was the worst possible thing he could ever have possibly done.

\----

“I need you to be my boyfriend.”

Alec looked up from his book, gobsmacked, “I’m sorry what?”

Magnus flopped down onto the sofa beside him, his eyes pleading, “I need _you_ to be my boyfriend, or rather _fake_ boyfriend, but only for a little while, I promise.”

Alec is still sitting beside him, speechless as if Magnus just told him that he had murdered someone ( _although in hindsight Magnus thinks Alec would be less surprised at that one and would immediately help him hide the body but whatever_ ).

“Listen, okay, so my work is having a Valentine’s Day party, and everyone is bringing a significant other but that’s not even the worst part!” Magnus exclaims, “my boss is going to be there with her wife, not to mention Cat is gonna be there too—it’s just a mess.”

Alec raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “ _Okayyyy_ , and what does that have to do with needing me? And who throws a _Valentine’s Day_ party?”

 _I always need you,_ Magnus’ brain supplied, _now is just an excuse_ , “Well, because it would be insanely awkward to come without some delicious eye candy, aka you on my arm, especially when I’m up for that promotion! I want to show that I am a stable, fully grown man, with a boyfriend and capable of responsibility! _Duh!”_

“As opposed to a messy, disorganized guy who lives with his university roommate that was introduced to you at a party, and eats take out at least 3 times a week, who also butchers musicals in the shower with his voice, and can never find _anything_ he owns?” Alec deadpans, “and seriously why a Valentine’s Party?”

Magnus huffed in disbelief, “ _Okay_ , I did not ask to be attacked like that, but basically yes, and I don’t _fucking know why_ a Valentine’s Party, maybe they wanted to be original, but please, _please_ help me.”

Alec rolled his eyes, a bit dramatically if you asked Magnus, “You’re lucky you’re my best friend and that I love you.”

Magnus’ heart skipped a beat, he knew what Alec meant of course, platonic, _always_ platonic, but hearing those words—he could never stop his heart from spasming, he smiled wide at Alec and jumped on him, giving him the biggest hug ever, “Thankyouthankyou _thankyou_ you’re the bestest friend ever, like seriously, _ever!_ ”

( _The best everything, really)_

“Yeah, yeah, but you owe me, big time,” Alec replied, but he was smiling too.

“Anything you want Alexander,” Magnus promised, and he meant it, he would and could never deny Alec of anything even if he tried, “after we accomplish _this mission_ , you can have whatever you want.”

“You’re such a dork seriously,” Alec rolled his eyes, “but damn fucking straight, I’m gonna hold you to that.”

Magnus snickered, and threw up finger guns, “or should you say, ‘damn fucking gay’?”

Alec threw a pillow at him.

\---

The day of the party starts out normal enough, except Magnus is buzzing with barely contained anticipation, his mind occupied with the fact that he asked his best friend in the entire world, _who he’s in love with,_ to be his boyfriend. His _boyfriend_. Sure, it was only for one night, but it’s everything that he dreamed of, and damned if he isn’t scared shitless. What if he blurts something out, or fucks things up?

He shakes himself, he’s Magnus Bane, he can do this. Alec is his best friend, he shouldn’t be so worried, he needs to enjoy this night because it will be his only one he gets with Alec, at this capacity anyway. Now if he takes advantage of that fact a little tonight, well no one can blame him.

When he’s done for the day, Magnus nearly sprints out of work, antsy to get home and get ready for the night.

(He didn’t know yet, but it would change his life forever)

\---

It took Magnus hours, but he never felt so satisfied after finishing that last line of his eyeliner, sure sex is great and all, but nothing beats a good outfit and flawless make up. And his rich red velvet jacket and tight suit pants (the pair that made his ass look fantastic), his red streaks in his hair, well it was hard to beat. Except maybe if somehow Magnus got to have sex— _make love_ with Alec, well then everything would pale in comparison. Everything already did pale in comparison when it came to Alec. He was the life goal, the thing Magnus wanted, _longed for_ , more than anything else in this world.

Magnus scoffed at himself, as if that would ever happen, he was lucky enough to have Alec at all.

He gave himself one last once over in the mirror and straightened his shoulders, he looked good, he knew it, and he was ready for a party. He strode out his bedroom, a confident sway in his steps, only to freeze in utter shock (and admiration, so much admiration) when he entered the living room.

Alec was already ready and perch on the arm of the couch like a _fucking model_ just walked off the runway.

He was utterly stunning, Magnus can’t breathe, he is consumed by Alec, his only thought is _AlecAlecAlecohmygodAlec_ , in a beautifully tailored all-black suit (his one exception he said if he was to attend a Valentine’s Day party.), hair artfully messy, his shoes all shine, neat scruff on his handsome face. He looked marvelous; his knight in a gorgeous, fitted suit that showed off just how well-built he was.

Magnus was convinced the devil must have sent him, however angelic Alec was with his big hazel eyes, heart made of pure gold and sunshine smile, right here, in this moment, he was a walking sin. Dripping with sophistication and sex, Magnus was almost drooling. He was never good at resisting temptation and Alec was the ultimate test, Magnus just wanted to _ruin him_ , or have Alec _ruin him_.

If that wasn’t the dream, Alec’s arms looked godly, like they were made to pick Magnus up and pin him against a wall and just have his way with him; rough and hard, supporting Magnus as he kissed him, with those full rosy lips and Magnus knows, he just _knows_ it would be like Alec was making love with his mouth, because everything he does, he does with intensity and focus and he would have Magnus on his knees in seconds, but not before biting and nipping down his throat—

“Magnus!”

Magnus shook his head, his thoughts—dirty thoughts clearing as he came back down to Earth only to find Alec standing right in front of him.

He cleared his throat, “Yes dear?”

Alec rolled his eyes, “Ready to go?”

Magnus straightened up and offered his arm, “but of course darling, shall we?”

Alec laughed and looped his arm through Magnus’ and Magnus’ stomach flipped, he really was in too deep, “We shall.”

\---

Alec was a godsend, the night was going great, without a hitch. He was the perfect partner in crime. From the very moment they arrived at the party, he slipped into _boyfriend_ mode with an ease that made Magnus think he must’ve been an actor in his previous life, he was just so genuine. It made Magnus almost forget this was all fake as they toured around, his hand warm and comforting on Magnus’ back, eyes adoring when people commented how lucky they were, it was almost too much.

But what really struck him was when his boss asked how they got together, Alec didn’t even hesitate with his arm wrapped securely around Magnus he began to speak, “It was remarkably easy to fall in love with Magnus,” Alec laughed a bit, “as you know I’m sure, he is quite the charmer when he tries to be, but really, that’s not what made me fall. We met at a party, I think it was almost 5 years ago now, it was my sister who dragged me out and introduced me to this one,” he teases, “and from the moment he smiled—the moment he laughed for the very first time, I knew I was doomed.”

They had gathered quite the audience, including Caterina and everyone _awww’d_ and Alec continued,

“I fell a bit in love with him that very first night, we ditched the party to find some deliciously greasy pizza and climbed his fire escape to his apartment’s roof and we watched the stars the whole night—and don’t get me wrong it was the most romantic things I’ve ever done, but I also did wake up to Magnus fast asleep in his pizza.” Everyone laughed, and Alec looked down at Magnus, a strong adoration in his eyes, it almost felt real “but it was still the most beautiful sight I’d ever woken up to. It took me two years to gather up the courage to tell him I loved him though, it was torture, watching him every day, as his smile lit up the room, his laugh; a song to my ears. I loved him for his bedhead and nonsense muttering before coffee, his love for fashion and oddly enough physics, I love him for his tendency to never give up and want to change the world, I loved him for everything that he was. So, one day, when it all got too much I took him to the rooftop, with a greasy pizza and the stars above our heads and told him. And well, the rest is history.”

Alec smiled down at Magnus, stars in his eyes and Magnus was entirely breathless, Alec was a wizard at story telling and Magnus almost believed for a second that everything he had just said was real. It was a nice story; the pair of them falling in love, a timeless classic; like Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere.

Without all the tragedy of course.

He leaned up, kissing Alec on the cheek before resting a hand on his chest, “This one has always been gifted in story-telling.” Alec blushed, and Magnus almost died inside because a grown 6-foot 3 man should not be that cute, yet here he was.

“How about you Magnus?” Catarina teased, she knew full well how in love Magnus was with Alec, from that very first moment, but of course, she’d never let this go, “when did you fall in love with Alec.”

Magnus laughed, because when wasn’t he in love with Alec, “From that very moment I first saw him laugh—I knew without a doubt that I would fall in love with him, and well, here we are, I’m more in love with him than I ever have been.”

The night goes quickly after that, Alec never once letting him go as they made more rounds. They laughed the night away and Magnus could feel a cozy warmth—like liquid gold seep into his bones, with every smile Alec throws his way, he is drowning, swallowed up by both the sunshine of his smile and the forest that is his eyes. It makes him wish more than ever that this night. Him and Alec, together, more than just friends, was real.

His very soul ached for it, to be with Alec, to hold him close and kiss him, hug him, hold hands with him and smile with him for real.

At one point during the night, Catarina pulls him away from Alec’s side and aside, a soft smile playing on her full lips and tells him with all heart and soul, “I’m happy for you Magnus, it’s about time you two finally found your way to each other, you deserve this.” And Magnus almost teared up, but no, he could never in a million years deserve someone as lovely as Alec, but he didn’t have the heart to tell Cat the truth, so he just smiled and nodded, because in any case, he was lucky to have Alec in his life, even if he didn’t love Magnus like Magnus loved him. He didn’t have the heart to tell Cat that it wasn’t real, so he just smiled, his heart aching within him.

But it doesn’t last long, Alec once again whisks him away, a bright grin lighting up his handsome face as he pulls Magnus into his arms for one dance, then another and another until all heartache and longing is forgotten and instead the air is filled with laughter; the kind that is wild and free, the one that you hear vibrating within the streets of New York at midnight, the city alive and bright, but her people even more so.

The night was lit up with happiness, as Magnus and Alec danced and drank the hours away, past the dark cloak of midnight. They don’t leave the party until 1 am, hand in hand stumbling contently through the streets unable to wipe the smiles from their faces. The electricity of the night like blood in their veins, they don’t speak for awhile, instead only the sound of light giggling and a gentle hum fills the air, until Alec suggests it, “Hey, wanna go watch the stars on our roof for awhile, with a pizza, for old time sake?”

And maybe it’s because they’re a little drunk, and maybe Magnus has always been a sucker for nostalgia, or maybe it’s because Magnus—so entirely weak at heart when it comes to Alec can’t seem to get enough of the delicious torture that Alec offers him every day, unknowing and beautiful, but Magnus finds himself nodding.

And so, they rush to find some pizza and make their way up the fire escape, childish giggles erupting from within when more than once Magnus almost drops the pizza and Alec yells with all his might, “No, the pizza is the only form of love I have in this life.”

( _If only Alec knew how loved he actually was; so much it hurt sometimes)_

When they finally get to the roof, with many a stumble and struggle, they both flop down beside each other. It was a bit chilly, as February is supposed to be, but Magnus can hardly feel it. The presence of Alec warmed him to his very core.

The stars were indeed beautiful that night, but as Magnus glanced over at Alec, whose eyes were fixed on the dark sky he knew, at that exact moment that not even the stars could compare to the beauty of Alec; his cheeks flushed from drink and dance, a warm glow in his smile and a spark glittering within his eyes and as Magnus will recall a few years down the line, it was then—that exact moment when he realized that all the sights—all the ruins of Pompeii, the glittering halls of Versailles, the marble of the Vatican and the mountains of the Alps; none of it would ever compare to Alec, he was the beauty of the world.

In fact, he was made up of everything good on Earth. He was the brightness and warmth of the sun, the mystery of the forest, the power of the ocean, the freedom of the sky, but, mostly the wisdom, the nostalgia, the glow that was the stars.

He would be content to stay watching Alec looking at the stars forever, even though he was sure his jacket and pants were getting soaked through because of the snowy roof, it’s peaceful in a way Magnus can only associate with Alec—that is until his phone chimes. It’s his boss asking Magnus to come for a dinner the following week and Magnus whoops--promotion HERE WE COME!

 

And of course, because Magnus is an idiot and he can’t get enough of Alec—especially Alec like this, acting as his boyfriend, being the love Magnus wish he had, he can’t stop himself from asking again, a slightly bigger favour. He turns to Alec whose attention was captured by the sky, and asks, “So... Alexander?”

Alec hums in acknowledgement.

“I know I said I only needed you to play my boyfriend for this one party—”

Alec tears his eyes away from the stars and looks at Magnus expectantly, “I feel a but coming on.”

Of course, Magnus can’t resist a good pun to avoid the inevitable, and so he winks and lowers his voice purposely, “You know I’d love to come onto your butt anytime.” But before Alec can react with a deadpan comment no doubt, Magnus gasps, “ _that was a double entendre!”_

Alec rolls his eyes and sighs, and Magnus swears one day those pretty hazels of his are going to disappear into the back of his head, “ _why are you like this?_ Just get on with it Magnus.”

“Can you pleaseplease _please_ reprise that role one more time? Pleaseeeee, my boss texted me about an important dinner and—”

“Magnus!” Alec interrupted, a soft smile playing at his lips “you don’t need to explain, I trust you, I’m here for whatever you need. Besides tonight was kind of fun anyway.”

Magnus breathes a sigh of relief at Alec’s words, of course he didn’t have to explain, this was Alec after all, _his Alexander_ , his selfless, kinds, generous, lovely Alexander. He knows he doesn’t have to thank him, he wants to, but words wouldn’t be enough anyway so instead he just smiles back, his heart beating like a drum in his throat, “it was fun wasn’t it? I’m glad you came with me Alexander.”

Alec smiles with stars in his eyes, “me too.”

( _Magnus doesn’t stop to think once as to why Alec agreed so quickly)_

\---

The dinner comes quickly, even though it was almost a month after the party, Magnus feels like it was just yesterday, yet here he is three weeks later. The anticipation of Alec being his “boyfriend” once again burning like fire in his veins. After the first party they had slipped back into normalcy, the eternal best friends—the dynamic duo, with Alec oblivious as always as Magnus hopelessly pined after him.

Magnus couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he finished his look, opting for rich floral jacket and black trousers this time. Dressed to impress as always. He walked out his bedroom, fully expecting Alec to already be there waiting for him. But he isn’t, curious, Magnus knocks on his room door, but nothing, he frowns and calls out “Alec?”

But no one answers. He proceeds to enter Alec’s room and when he finds it empty Magnus starts to panic because _where the hell was Alec?_ They had a party to get to. Magnus quickly exited, returning to their living room completely at a loss of what to do. He looked around, his breath quickening, what if Alec had backed out? What if he thought it was too much—that Magnus was too much? What if he abandoned Magnus to figure this out on his own? What if—?

His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened and Alec came through, dressed to perfection in a navy-blue suit, carrying—Magnus gasped softly, _he was carrying flowers._ Roses and sunflowers to be exact, but why—Magnus opened his mouth to inquire, but Alec spotted him. His brilliant hazel eyes lighting up as his face split into a smile and suddenly Magnus couldn’t remember anything, much less focus on anything but that smile.

Alec came up to him, his big smile quickly turning into something more intimate, bashful almost. He thrust the flowers towards Magnus and Magnus was speechless, “Are those—?”

“For you” Alec nodded, his cheeks delightfully flushing, “yes, I just thought, you deserve something nice and I mean I originally went out for—well it doesn’t matter but I saw a vendor selling flowers and these immediately caught my eye and they reminded me of you and yeah, I mean I had to get them because what if he threw them away onto the street or whatever if no one bought it and so I had to.”

Alec was rambling, and Magnus’ heart simultaneously constricted and soared at this adorable man in front of him—who really shouldn’t be so adorable in his mouth-watering fitted suit, perfect scruff and windswept hair. He looked like he walked off a runway, yet he was still the cutest person Magnus had ever laid eyes on. He couldn’t speak, he had never laid eyes on such beautiful flowers. Magnus had of course gotten flowers from past admirers, but nothing has been quite as stunning, he’s never felt this level of elation within him. He felt special. Maybe there was some hope after all—maybe this could be something more. _Maybe Alec was making the first move_.

When Magnus didn’t reply however, Alec’s smile withered, a flash of hurt so quick it was virtually unnoticeable glinted in his eyes, but Magnus was too focused on the flowers, until Alec began to speak once more, “I mean also because you’re my best friend.”

Magnus eyes snapped up at those words— _right_ , his best friend. That’s why Alec got the flowers for him, because they were best friends and that’s it, where elation had once filled his chest only disappointment remained. He was really dumb sometimes, of course Alec didn’t like him romantically, how could he ever assume—fuck _fuckfuck_.

But it didn’t matter, Magnus was used to this. He will soldier on as usual. It shouldn’t matter that Alec didn’t like him like that, Magnus loved him anyway, Alec deserved that. So, he mustered up the courage and put a smile on his face, accepting the flowers, “Of course, thank you Alexander, you made the night infinitely better and it hasn’t even started.”

Alec lit up, he smirked, “I aim to please.”

Magnus almost moaned out loud, _oh I am sure you do_ , he cleared his throat instead, letting out a quiet chuckle, “let me just put these lovely flowers in a vase and then we’ll go yeah?”

Alec nodded, “I’m ready when you are.”

\---

Dinner was supposed to be an easy affair, Magnus and Alec were just supposed to walk in, do some hand holding and play up on the dreamy stares, maybe add in a kiss on the cheek and then walk back out the door with full stomachs and smiles on their faces after a successful schmooze session and then go home and do a Marvel marathon while eating ice cream.

But nope, none of the happens, because as soon as they walk through the door, Magnus’ heart drops.

Of course, _she_ would be here, she almost as good as Magnus, no wonder she— _Camille_ was invited. Magnus almost turns around and leaves, if not for the strong hand on his bicep stopping him. He looks up at the body attached to the hand, locking eyes with Alec. Magnus opened his mouth to explain but Alec just smiles, “I know Magnus, I saw her too, but we aren’t going to let her ruin tonight alright? I’ll do anything you ask. I am here—by your side.”

And just like that, something within Magnus calms, Alec has a certain steadiness within him that seems to radiate, and Magnus knows, he just knows that whatever he asks Alec will not hesitate. He nods and moves in closer and Alec smiles gently as if he knows what Magnus is asking. He lightly swipes a hand down Magnus’ spine—lighting up Magnus’ every nerve and wraps an arm around his waist pulling him into Alec’s side. And they walk further in together.

Camille spots them right away and doesn’t hesitate to come up, a smirk spread plainly across her face. “Well, well, well if it isn’t my darling ex, I’ve missed you, how have you been?”

Magnus felt Alec tighten his grip, confidence flowed within him, “If it isn’t my least favourite person, my quality of life has significantly heightened without you in it. Thank you.”

Camille scowled, eyeing Alec up she sneered, “I see you’ve successfully leashed this pathetic puppy dog who used to follow you around, did you finally take pity on him?”

Magnus growled low in his throat, she could insult him all she wanted but _she dared to talk down to Alec_ , nope, Magnus would never let that lie, “Jealously doesn’t suit you Camille. But bitterness is your best look so here’s something, even when I was with _you_ , I was in love with Alec. You were just a filler, like that Botox in your lips.”

And just to prove a point, just to prolong that gobsmacked look on Camille’s face (and maybe because he has been wanting to do this for as long as he could remember), Magnus pulls Alec down and kisses him straight on the lips. At first, Alec freezes and Magnus panics, but then he relaxes and he’s kissing Magnus back. Suddenly the world around them melts away, a warmth fills Magnus as Alec pulls him in closer. A whole galaxy exploded behind Magnus’ eyelids, his mind was swirling and his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He felt as though he was shaking apart. This, he now knew what it was like to feel truly alive. His every nerve was tingling, a blistering fire ignited within Magnus. He knew he would be content to rest in this embrace for the life of his life, with Alec. Immortal in each other’s arms.

All too soon, however, Alec pulled away and whatever breath that was left in Magnus’ lungs was stolen away as a soft smile graced Alec’s handsome features, his cheeks rosy from the kiss and lips just a touch swollen, he looked ethereal. The kiss may have just been for show, but Magnus had never felt something so real in his life. He wanted to kiss Alec again and again and again—forever if that was a possibility.

He would also be content trapped in this moment, sadly, the world never works in his favour and someone clears their throat. Magnus barely supresses a groan when he sees Camille still standing there. He’s about to speak up, but Alec beats him to it.

“You’re still here are you? Can’t you see you’re unwanted, now be a dear and shoo.”

Camille gapes and looks at Magnus, “Are you really going to let your boy toy speak to me like that.”

Magnus smirks, “Yes, because he’s not wrong, so like he said, _Camille_ , we’re don’t want your company.” He looked up at Alec, his smirk softening, “how about a drink, darling?”

“I think, _sweetheart_ , that would delightful.”

Magnus laughs, so full of love for this man. He would never understand how he got so lucky. They left hand in hand and for awhile it was going well. Alec as usual made everyone he met fall in love wit him, one smile at a time and Magnus was confident he was going to get that promotion. He could feel warmth seep into his veins, whether from the drinks or merely Alec’s presence (he had a sneaking suspicion it was all Alec, he always felt warm around Alec). But it didn’t matter, Magnus basked in it.

He felt as though he could overcome any obstacle, that is until he felt a tap on his shoulder and all the previous warmth seeped out of his, leaving only a chilling ice within.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Magnus Bane.”

Lorenzo Rey. _Fuck_ , this world really didn’t want to give him a break.

Magnus spun around and grimaced, he already dealt with one of his least favourite people in the world, he really didn’t want to deal with another. _Ugh._

“Lorenzo, what a…surprise.”

“How have you been? How’s work going, still in the same position? How’s that love life of yours?”

 

Magnus gritted his teeth, just now realizing that Alec had escaped to the washroom, just when he needed him the most, “I don’t see how any of what you just asked is quite your business, _Lorenzo._ ”

Lorenzo chuckled, and it was like nails on a chalkboard, “Oh come on Magnus, don’t be so chilly I am only asking as a friend.”

 _A friend_ , Magnus thought spitefully, _as if_. Magnus knew that Lorenzo would never stop pestering him if he didn’t answer. He quickly planned what he would have to make up in his head to satisfy the bastard, however, the more he thought about it, the less he realized he would have to make up. Lorenzo had been his arch enemy for so long, always somehow a step ahead, using his greasy and fake charm wherever he went. Never putting in the same hark work as Magnus.

But here Magnus was, he had a good job, one that he loved (and fed his expensive habits quite easily). He was on the verge of a promotion, he had one hell of a support group; his friends the equivalent of a family. And he had Alec, _his Alec_ , sure not in the capacity that Magnus wished so completely, but he knew Alec would always be by his side. Magnus smirked, Lorenzo is about to have the surprise of the lifetime.

“You know what, Lorenzo, you’re right, so let me tell you a little thing,” Magnus smirked, “my life is going very well thank you, I have a good job, I have good friends and even better boyfriend. But here’s the thing, you don’t get any more details because not only do you not deserve anything else, but I have nothing to prove to you. It was my mistake in the past, trying to get on your level. Until I realized I never wanted to be there in the first place. I already know I am above you, because unlike you, I actually work hard. So, kindly, fuck off.”

Magnus didn’t even wait for a reply, satisfied enough with the gobsmacked look on Lorenzo’s face. He turned around and Alec was right there. A bright, heart melting smile spread across his face, and Magnus was helpless to smile back. Without another word, Alec grabbed him by the waist and pulled him in, kissing him once again. Deeply and passionate. Magnus almost moans out loud, the press of Alec’s lips against his was utterly delicious. He simultaneously wants to pull Alec closer and push him away because he fears how addicting the taste of Alec could become. This is only their second ( _fakefakefake_ ) kiss, yet Magnus knows he would be happy to kiss Alec forever, damned the need to breathe.

But before Magnus could decide on a course of action, Alec pulls away.

Alec stroked a knuckle across his cheek in and cupped his chin with affection. A warm glow ignited within his eyes almost like love, it was almost easy to pretend that this all wasn’t a game. For a moment, Magnus really did feel as though this was real. His heart was so full, he didn’t even think twice as he pulled Alec in again.

When they pulled back a second time, Magnus shrugged as if to explain the second ( _third of the night,_ Magnus’ brain celebrated) kiss, “For added effect.”

Alec just laughed, nodding. And as usual, Magnus heart threatened to beat out of his chest. He really was weak for this boy. “For added effect.”

\---

It gets both easier and harder after the initial first two events. Their friends and family find out—not about the faking part, they all really think Magnus and Alec are dating. Truthfully, not one of them from Izzy to Simon to Luke to Jace and Clary, Maia and Raphael, are surprised. Which must mean Magnus cannot possibly good at hiding his everlasting, enduring love for Alec.

( _Magnus really is in deep, as deep as one person could be, and it would funny if it weren’t so fucking terrifying)_

So instead of revealing their dirty little secret, they continue to pretend. It was easier that way anyway. _Might as well_ , Magnus’ brain supplies, because what if they need to do another dinner/schmooze fest. He couldn’t risk it. Plus, this way, Magnus would get to prolong this delicious torture that was having Alec in every way he’s ever wanted, yet still be so far away from what he craves.

Oh well, Magnus as always been a masochist.

And Alec is the best kind of hurt.

\---

It goes a little like this, for awhile it’s pretty fucking _good_.

They start to hold hands wherever they go, even alone. It’s easy _(almost as easy as breathing, if Magnus could actually ever breathe in front of Alec),_ to grab Alexander’s hand and never quite let go. It’s a small intimacy, yet it feels monumental. Grounding like nothing Magnus has ever felt. Keeping his feet planted on Earth. For once, he doesn’t have the ever-aching wish to float away.

Hugs, where they were never rare, they somehow become more frequent. Tighter and warmer. Magnus has always loved Alec’s hugs. He felt overwhelmingly safe in his arms as he’s blanketed by Alec’s body. All his worries, stresses and thoughts ( _so many thought_ ) float away, way above chimney tops and high rises into the untouchable atmosphere. And all there is left is peace and calm. This warm feeling bubbles within Magnus’ chest. Like that moment, when there’s a storm brewing outdoors and you’re safe and warm beneath your blankets, like that.

Every time they make the slightest eye contact Magnus feels like he’s burning, he can almost imagine that he sees a spark alight in Alec’s eyes. And if Alec smiles a little brighter and Magnus laughs a little louder, no one says a thing. It feels less fake every day, sometimes it feels like they’re together—that they were always together.  Magnus tells himself not to hope, because hope it stupid and it just gets you hurt. But it’s there, a little wriggling thing and Magnus can’t help but _hope_. Hope so fucking hard that Alec will turn around and tell him he loves him, that he’ll catch Magnus staring at him with stars in his eyes, that he’ll finally see the love that pours out of every fucking pore on Magnus’ body.

This thing, whatever it is feels ancient like time itself, it feels eternal and old, like whatever happened in the world, however time passed, this— _Alec and Magnus_ would endure. Because they were meant to, persevere, travel, _exist_ through the ages. They were meant to win. It’s mystifying and endless and Magnus feels perpetually suspended. He feels like this was supposed to last for eternity.

Except of course it doesn’t, _it can’t._

Magnus knows this was destined to end, no matter how right it feels, no matter how much it feels like fate.

And obviously, inevitably, it all tumbles down.

After all, even the mightiest of empires fall.

\---

The beginning of the end happens when Alec goes away. It’s a work trip—some kind of work conference.

He’s never gone before, citing that it’s more like a couple’s retreat

_(He doesn’t ask Magnus to go with him, it hurts when it shouldn’t)_

So, he goes and Magnus hurts, he hurts so bad.

It’s like Alec tied this string around his heart and took it with him, pulling it taunt as it dripped in blood, trying its hardest to follow; to be with his real heart. This is the first time they’ve been apart for more than 4 days since they met.

And no, Magnus is not dependent, he just liked having Alec around. Sure, without Alec he feels sad, incomplete, and the world seems a little dimmer. But this isn’t some dumb romance novel (not anymore). He can function without Alec, he just prefers not to. He likes having Alec around so sue him.

It might be good for them anyway, it was getting too deep, for Magnus anyway—hopefully and irrevocably, a pining mess, a fool who can’t stay away, but most of all an idiot.

So, he distracts himself—drinks with friends, impressing his boss with his newly given promotion, reading, eating, watching, thinking. He does it all, so he doesn’t think about the fact that Alec hasn’t called or texted him once. 

\---

When Alec gets back, he acts like nothing is amiss. Like he didn’t completely ignore Magnus (only Magnus) for almost a week. He comes back and kisses Magnus on his cheek and Magnus wants to scream. He wants to yell at Alec, for ignoring his goddamn existence, but falling off the face of the Earth. For coming back like nothing has changed. He wants to yell, yell and _yell_.

But why should he? It wouldn’t make sense. Alec owes him nothing, he doesn’t know that Magnus’ heart practically screams for him, begs for his attention, craves his eyes on him. He doesn’t know that Magnus is an absolute idiot and can’t get enough of Alec. He doesn’t know Magnus would forgive him for anything. He could tear up Magnus’ heart, stomp on it until it’s a bloody mess, he could break his heart and Magnus would still love him.

Because that is what Magnus Bane does; he loves Alec Lightwood. Eternally and without doubt.

His love for Alec is his one constant. His one surety in a world of uncertainty.

He knows with every atom of being, that Alec Lightwood was the love of his life.

But he wasn’t Alec’s.

So, this was a tragedy after all.

He doesn’t let it show, the fact that his heart is breaking. He lets Alec hug him close and for one last moment, he lets himself sink into it, pretend for a second that it’s real.

Then Alec pulls away but doesn’t completely let go, Magnus is breaking inside.

He smiles at Magnus, “Hunter’s Moon tonight with the crew?”

Magnus can only offer a weak smile and a nod. Because it doesn’t matter. He will never deny Alec anything.

Alec beams and lets Magnus go; and he walks to his room.

Not looking back once.

\---

He needed to end things—whatever it was, with Alec.

It would be for the best.

\---

 

They’re at Hunter’s Moon that very night when Magnus decides to do it.

He sees Alec laughing and smiling with their friends, an angel among mortals, oblivious to the light he radiates and Magnus heart aches, he wonders how it can be possible to miss someone who is only a few feet away.

His heart aches in his chest and he tries his hardest not to cry. He needed to end this, he had to because it got too deep ( _it was too late_ ). He sees Alec laughing with one of his friends from work—Raj he thinks is his name, and he can’t help but think he’s holding Alec back, from a real possibility of a relationship. Instead of being stuck in whatever _this_ was with Magnus. He needed to set Alec free.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to do it. How he’s going to set Alec free and break his own heart.

Maybe he’ll wait until they get home, it’ll be quiet, and no one would be around. They could just go back to being friends, then tell their friends that it just didn’t work out. They could go back to being best friends, and no one will know better.

Yeah, that’s what he’ll do. They don’t need an audience—or rather Magnus doesn’t as he tears his own heart out of his chest.

He looks at Alec again and once again his face is lit up from laughter, it’s quite the sight. Magnus has never seen a more beautiful sight; the boy wrought from the core of the sun—bright and shining, golden like the sky at sunset.

His heart seizes in his chest. He needs to leave.

He quickly says bye to Maia who was manning the bar and leaves without a glance back.

He doesn’t notice as Alec watches him leave and goes to follow him.

\---

He’s only a couple steps outside the bar when Magnus’ hears his name called after him.

“Magnus!”

 _Alec_.

Magnus closes his eyes in pain. He wasn’t ready for this, he needed time to figure out what to say. He stops and turns away to see Alec jogging to catch up with him, before stopping in front of Magnus, concern clear in his eyes.

“Why did you leave so suddenly? Without saying bye to anyone?”

“Alec…”

“Are you okay? Is something wrong? Do you need something? Can I help—”

“ _Alexander.”_ Magnus interrupts firmly, and Alec freezes. “I—we—”

Alec tilts his head questioning, he looks lost and Magnus can feel his heart in his throat.

“Magnus?” Alec asks, he steps forward into Magnus’ space, reaching for him. But Magnus flinches back, and Alec startles back, looking hurt.

Magnus can’t bear the hurt in Alec’s eyes, so he looks at the ground and says, “we can’t do this anymore, I— _we_ need to stop the whole fake-dating thing.” When he looks up again, Alec looks like he’s on the verge of panic, and Magnus can’t understand why. He’s giving Alec an out, he’s setting him free. He’s doing this _for_ him.

Alec opens his mouth to speak, only to close it again in immeasurable shock. He clears his throat and asks “Why? I don’t get it, everything’s going well, we’re pulling this off, we’re—”

“Exactly!” Magnus cries, “we pulled this off, I got my promotion, Camille and Lorenzo can go fuck themselves, it’s done, we’re done, you don’t need to pretend to love me anymore, you’re free.”

“Magnus” Alec begs, “please that’s not—”

“Alec, _stop_. I don’t need any excuses, it’s okay, you can stop pretending, we can stop pretending. We can go back to being friends. It’s not like we were in love!”

He doesn’t give Alec another chance to speak, instead he just gives him a soft smile. Trying not to show that he’s breaking apart inside, “I’ll see you at home okay?” And he turns and walks away.

 _Please follow me_ , Magnus mind begs, _please stop me and tell me you love me, pleasepleaseplease._

He glances back once, in hope perhaps that Alec is standing there, or is going to follow him and grab him, pull him into his arms and tell Magnus that he’s all that he’s ever wanted and that this fake dating thing was an excuse, because he loves him too. But instead, he sees Alec turn around and walk back into the bar. Without so much as a glance back.

Magnus scoffs, wiping the tears that have begun to fall, _of course he doesn’t love you, you fool_.

\---

The next few days in their flat is full of awkward tension. Magnus is avoiding Alec while Alec seems to chase him wherever he goes. His doe eyes begging, but all Magnus can do it turn away, his shoulders tense. He doesn’t know what to say to make things better, how to move past this and become best friends again. So instead he avoids, he works late nights, goes to bed early does everything he can possible.

It hurts, and he can see how much it hurts Alec, but he needs to feel secure again. Right now, he feels like he’s suspended over a cliff, watching as the world below him spins. He needs to be on solid ground again, just so he can look Alec in the eye and not feel tremendous loss. It was his fault after all, he wanted this. He just wanted to see what being with Alec, like that, would be life. But it only broke his heart.

So, he keeps avoiding, keeps to himself. Until Alec corners him one morning. His face set in a determined strength. Magnus loves that look, the one where Alec’s eyes light up with passion and his jaw clenches, he looks ready for a fight. Magnus sighs internally, because even when they’re at odds his mind can’t help but come up with more things he loves about Alec.

“We need to talk,” Alec says, in a tone that brokered no argument.

Magnus crossed his arms, feigning nonchalance, “About what?”

“Us, Magnus,” Alec sighs, “we need to fix whatever—” he motions between them, “is.”

“We don’t need to talk about anything Alec” Magnus defends, “we’re fine.”

“You never call me Alec.”

“I do!” Magnus exclaims exasperated, “is this what you wanted to talk about? What I call you?”

Magnus knows he’s avoiding but he can’t help, he really doesn’t want to talk about this. Lest he admit something he really doesn’t want to. Alec’s jaw clenches in anger, and Magnus knows he’s digging his grave, deeper and deeper but he continues to speak, “because I really don’t have time for this, I have shit to do.”

“ _Magnus_ ,” Alec begs, “please you know that isn’t what we need to talk about.”

“Then what _Alexander?”_ Magnus growled, he just wanted to get out of there, this could only end badly, “what is it?”

“What happened to us? Why are avoiding me?” Alec pleaded, “What did I do? Please Magnus, I _miss my best friend_.”

Magnus’ heart stings, he misses Alec too, “Nothing happened ok? I’ve just been busy, you’ve done nothing okay. We’re fine, we’re still best friends.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.” Alec mumbles.

“Alec listen—” Magnus starts.

 

“Is this about the fake relationship thing?” Alec interrupts.

“What!!” Magnus explains, “no why would it?”

“Just tell me Magnus, did I do something wrong?”

“No!!” Magnus cries, “stop making everything about you. The fake relationship meant nothing ok? It’s not like we were in love—it’s not like we ever will be. We’re still best friends ok. Just stop being so dramatic.”

Alec took a step back, hurt colouring his features and Magnus heart dropped, he’s been seeing that look on Alec’s face too much lately and it’s all because of him. He’s always been good at lashing out and hurting the people he loves, it’s what he does best. He steps toward Alec, this time reaching out, but Alec flinches back, “Alec—”

Alec emotions shift, and his face turns stone cold, and Magnus shivers, he knows that look, Alec is shutting down, he’s pissed, and he’s seen it directed at other people many a time, but never at him, “it’s fine Magnus, whatever, you’re right. Now if you can excuse me, let me go be _dramatic_ , somewhere else.” He spun on his heels and walked towards the front door.

“Where are you going?” Magnus asked meekly.

“Out.” Alec replied, and the door slammed shut.

\---

Magnus spends the rest of the day and night in his room. He refuses to admit that he’s sulking but, he’s sulking. He hates when him and Alec fight, they’ve had disagreements before, but never like this and Magnus doesn’t know what to do. He knows he lashed out, but Alec just left, and he hasn’t come back. Which is rude in itself. But Magnus could concede that Alec had some points, his words were valid. But Magnus wasn’t ready to face them.

But he needed too, because he missed his best friend.

Tomorrow morning, he will talk to Alec and they will fix things. They _will_. Magnus will make sure of it.

No matter how much pain it caused him. He will do anything, if it means keeping Alec by his side.

\---

When Magnus wakes up, the flat is suspiciously quiet. No Jace or Isabelle pestering Alec to come for a run (yes, they have a key, they claimed they needed one in case they missed Alec). No music drifting from Alec’s room. It felt wrong. Maybe Alec was still sleeping or maybe he already went out. Still Magnus couldn’t shake the fact that something was wrong.

He quickly got out of bed and beelined for Alec’s room. Only to find it neat and empty. Odd, Alec hardly ever made his bed. He searched the rest of the flat, still no Alec. A wave of déjà vu swept over Magnus. Reminding of him of another time, when things were easier, except Magnus didn’t think Alec would be walking through the door with flowers. He sat at the table, resigned at the fact that he couldn’t find Alec, distracting himself with a cup of coffee. It wasn’t until he spotted a note taped the fridge. He almost tripped over himself getting to it, only to have his heart fall to his stomach as he read it.

 

_Magnus,_

_Didn’t want to wake you, had an emergency business trip. I couldn’t say no, they really needed me._

_See you,_

_Alec._

 

He didn’t even leave his signature smiley face. Magnus frowned, he hated this. He never left without saying bye. Magnus felt cold all over, his whole body felt like it was shaking apart. They had never been like this before—but mostly, Alec had never ever left without a proper goodbye.

Magnus was half tempted to drown his sorrows, curled up alone in his room, sulking under the blankets. But now wasn’t the time, he shouldn’t let this get to him, they would fix this. There has never been anything that him and Alec couldn’t figure out together.

 _But this isn’t the usual hurdle,_ Magnus’ brain supplied. Which was true, this was his heart on the line. He had the real possibility of losing the person he loved most in the world. Magnus shook himself, he was ruminating, which was never good, but he couldn’t help it. Alec was his constant in a world full of chaos, he was the steadiness in a storm, the strength of an ancient tree. He was everything that Magnus was not, he was the calm—the stability that Magnus had craved his entire life. But he was also unexpected—a contradiction, an enigma. The missing puzzle piece Magnus had never known was missing until Alec slotted himself in Magnus’ heart, carving his name in blood until all Magnus could think, breathe and want was _AlecAlecAlec._

He had never craved someone like he craved Alec—from the moment they met. The moment their hands touched in greeting it was like coming home. The slide of Alec’s eyes against his was almost a caress. His smile a familiar greeting.

_Hello, I’ve waited so very long for you. Welcome home._

Alec was his future. And he couldn’t lose him. But he just might, just because of his stupid plan.

(he had just wanted to know what it like to be loved _like_ that by Alec)

 _Fuckfuckfuck_ , Magnus couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think. He decided then, he would drown his sorrows, but he wouldn’t do it alone.

\---

“So,” Raphael drawled, “you and Alec—that whole relationship was _fake?_ ”

Magnus sighed, his heart cracking at the truth, “yes raph, it was _all_ fake okay?”

Catarina clucked in sympathy, “But why didn’t you just tell him how you feel?”

“Good point” Ragnor conceded, “Why haven’t you? It would save quite a lot of trouble.”

“Trouble of what? “asked Magnus, “me saying anything could’ve ruined our friendship, Alec doesn’t lov—like me the way I do him” Magnus shook his head, “I am just a pining fool.”

“You are a fool.” Ragnor agreed.

Magnus scoffed, “Jeez, thanks for your support.”

“ _What_ he means Magnus,” Catarina amended, “is that you are a fool because you are already at risk of ruining this friendship.”

“But—” Magnus interrupted.

“No.” Cat said firmly, “let me finish. You are a fool for that, but also because you don’t see how Alec looks at you like you’ve hung the moon and the stars and all else in the universe.”

“Cat,” Magnus protested.

But before he could say anything else, Raphael spoke up, “she’s right, and as annoying as it is, the boy had been in love with you for years.”

“But he hasn’t! Magnus exclaimed, “I would’ve noticed, I notice everything about him—in case you didn’t know. I can hardly keep my eyes of Alexander on a good day. So, I _think_ I would able to tell if he liked me.”

“Clearly not,” Raphael muttered, “you blind bat.”

Magnus made a wounded noise. He was _quite_ good at spotting people who were attracted to him, and Alec was decidedly not. It was impossible.

“Then why do the whole fake relationship?”

“Because,” Magnus explained, “I needed to appear in a stable relationship, both for my promotion and to prove some assholes at work wrong.”

“But why Alec then?” Ragnor asked, “since he doesn’t like you _like_ that, you also could’ve asked any of us.”

Magnus knew this question would eventually come up, it was inevitable. He also knew how pathetic the answer would be. But he answered nonetheless, avoiding his friends’ eyes, “Because, I just—I just wanted to know what it would be like, to have him be mine, if only for a small moment in time.”

Catarina sighed, “ _Oh Magnus_.”

“I know,” Magnus muttered, “it’s pathetic.”

“No, it’s really not.”

Catarina put an arm around Magnus, pulling him in close.

“But what you can’t do is hold your feelings back, it is time to be brave my friend.” Ragnor said.

“Plus isn’t it better to know the complete truth now?” Cat added. “Getting your feelings out will be better in the long run, even if right now it seems like the scariest thing you could do.”

Magnus bit his lip and shook his head, a clear sadness hung from his shoulders, “You know you guys are my best friends, and I love you for trying to help me, but maybe this is what I need to move on.’

“No, Magnus— _Magnus_ , don’t you get it?” Raphael cried, more passionate than he seemingly ever been, “Once you find something worth fighting for—someone worth it, you never stop fighting. _Alec’s love_ , he is worth it, he deserves to hear your feelings and you deserve to get them out. The world is endless with possibilities, who knows what might happen, but this is not the time to give up.”

Magnus did nothing but stare in shock at Raphael’s outburst, his heart pounded. He knew Raphael was right. He did. He looked around the room and all his friends were nodding, surprised as well, but agreeing with Raphael, nonetheless.

After a moment of silence, Cat speaks, “Well…he’s not wrong.”

Magnus pursed his lips but said nothing.

Ragnor cleared his throat and pointedly looked at Magnus.

Finally, Magnus conceded, throwing his hands up he exclaimed, “ _ok_ , yes Raph, you’re right, and don’t you think—” He inhaled deeply,” _don’t you think_ , that I want to tell Alec that I love him? I want to be able to hold his hand, kiss him, hold him close? Fuck—I want to shout on rooftops that I love Alexander Lightwood, I want the world to know, I want the whole _fucking universe_ to know that I am the luckiest man ever to exist, because I get to love Alec. I will always fight for him, but it can’t be like this. Not now, not ever.”

No one said anything, and Magnus almost screamed in frustration. Until it came to him and he laughed, almost incredulously, “I need to tell him, don’t I? We both deserve this. I will never move on if I don’t tell him and he’ll never have his best friend back.”

Cat sighed sadly, “Magnus…”

“Look,” Magnus interrupting Cat, before she could say anything more, “Raphael, you’re right, I shouldn’t give up, I _know_ , but I have to let this go, Alec deserves the truth, but I can’t do it because I think he’s in love with me too, I’ve wondered and pained myself over it too many times. I will fight for him— _I will_ , but as a best friend only.”

Raphael just shook his head, his voice barely above a whisper, “you’re wrong, I hope you know that, you are wrong.”

Magnus’ shoulders drooped, he couldn’t keep doing this.

“ _Enough_.” Ragnor held up a hand, “I think the talking is over, let us drink instead.”

Magnus sigh of relief was audible, Cat smiled at him and Raph hung his head in defeat.

“Fine,” Raphael shrugged, “but when I’m right, you’ll owe me Magnus.”

“Yeah-yeah,” Magnus rolled his eyes, “shut up and drink.”

\---

Magnus wakes up sprawled across his bed with a pounding headache. He had no recollection of this, yet, all his make-up and jewellery had been removed. But he has no doubt that he has his friends to thank, for always taking such good care of him. He smiled lightly as he turned over in bed, now looking at the ceiling and sighed, he really did have the best friends in the world—Magnus took a deep breath, letting himself enjoy the peace of the moment, when the scent of a freshly cooked breakfast invades his senses. He shoots up from his bed.

Cooking in the kitchen means someone else is here, and Magnus only lives with _one_ person.

_Alec_

Magnus runs to his washroom, quickly brushing his teeth and washing his face; he needed to look presentable when he faced Alec. When they talked and fixed themselves. When things went back to normal and Magnus had his best friend back. He threw on a new pair of sweatpants and a black hoodie (which he’s pretty sure is Alec’s, _they can laugh about it later when everything is fixed.)_ and hurried out of his room.

He felt a smile tug at his lips as the smell of cinnamon French toast, _his favourite_. He enters the kitchen ready to thank Alec and give him a hug, all begging for forgiveness. But he stops in his tracks, frozen, because it isn’t Alec at all, but Cat, who is in front of the stove, making Magnus’ favourite breakfast. _Not Alec_.

Magnus’ heart falls. Of course, he forgot for a moment that Alec was on his _business trip_. Cat turns around and smiles at him and Magnus can barely smile back. Cat’s smile turns sympathetic and without saying anything brings Magnus into her arms and hugs him tight. Magnus hugs back, hiding his face in her shoulder, drawing comfort from her calm presence.

“Mornin’ Cat,” Magnus croaks after pulling away.

Cat kisses his cheek, “morning party animal, let’s get some breakfast in you, and water, a whole lot of water, and electrolytes for that dehydrated body of yours.” She steers him to a seat and Magnus laughs softly.

“Yes, nurse Loss.”

They ate in silence, Magnus lost in his thoughts.

They spend the whole day together after that, and it’s nice. Magnus feels at peace, even if it does feel like a part of him is missing. He ignores it, in favour of gossiping with Cat and watching trashy soap operas.

\---

The whole week drags after that, Magnus goes to work, he hangs out with his friends. He eats, cleans, does the laundry, all while trying not to look for Alec, or expect him home. He tries not to wait for him, as he watches a movie every night, _definitely_ _not_ hoping that he’ll catch Alec creeping into the door. He knows he could text him, ask how long his business trip, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

Chairman Meow hisses at him from his corner as Magnus lies on the couch and _yes Chairman, he knows he’s being a coward_.

He instead rings Catarina; his lifeboat and they have a few laughs.

Until Cat goes silent for a minute and Magnus braces himself for what is about to come,

“ _How are you doing Magnus_?”

Magnus just sighs, pitifully laughing internally, “I am _fine_ , don’t worry about me darlin’.”

“Sure, _dear_ ” Cat’s voice crackles across the line. Magnus can imagine her rolling her eyes.

“Cross my heart and hope to die!” Magnus inserts woefully. He is fine, he’s not _good_ , but he is fine.

There is a moment of silence and Magnus just knows Catarina is gearing up for something, finally she breaks it with a question on her tongue, “Hunter’s Moon tonight?”

“Cat…” Magnus trailed off.

“No, Magnus,” Cat replied definitively, since you said _you’re fine,_ don’t give me a bullshit excuse. This will be good for you.”

Magnus sighed, he knew it would be. And yes, he did say he was fine, _which he is_. But it was also the place where everything happened; where everything went downhill. He shook himself, he was no coward, sure a bad thing happened—his relationship with Alec might be broken, but there were good times there too. Magnus cringed, he had to remind himself that this wasn’t irreversible, it just felt like it, for now. He deserved this, a good night out, with all of his friends. Getting out of the flat will be good for him, for them all.

So, instead of saying no, instead of coming up with an excuse, he nods.

He tells himself as he’s getting ready that he doesn’t miss the laughter that should be floating in the flat. He doesn’t miss trying to get Alec to wear something other than his leather jacket (although Magnus never really actually minded). He doesn’t miss feeling whole, because he never knew until now that Alec was—is his home and it’s absolutely tearing him apart that he’s still on a business trip and they still haven’t fixed what Magnus didn’t know was broken.

But mostly, he’s mad at himself for missing all of that, for missing Alec like he’s half of his body, his heart and soul.

But that doesn’t matter tonight. Tonight, Magnus knows he looks good, with his black and gold, floral shirt, his velvet jacket and his favourite pants. He makes his eyeliner extra sleek and deadly, because he deserves this. He may miss Alec, but that doesn’t mean he will stop living, or having fun. Alec may contribute heavily to his happiness but like they say who is gonna love you, if not yourself.

He winks at himself in the mirror once and leaves the apartment.

\---

When he walks into _Hunter’s Moon_ , he’s greeted immediately by a cocktail and then the smiling faces of his friends. He can’t help but smile back. The night continues easily after that. He always seems to have a drink in hand, the lights of the bar twinkle pleasantly as music flows like a heartbeat in his veins. He is pulled into a dance by Isabelle, then Clary, even Simon. A smile gracing his face the entire time.

Cat was right, he needed this. He needed his friends. He needed to let go a bit.

(He tries to ignore the niggling at the back of his mind, _always constant_ , reminding him that he’s missing something)

At some point though, his hand is finally empty of a drink and well, that is unacceptable. He strolls easily to the bar where a smiling Maia greets him. He chats with her for awhile, sipping at his drink until he hears cheers behind him. Magnus turns around and his breath catches in his throat.

 _Alec, it’s Alec_.

Alec just walked into the bar and he’s wearing his signature black leather jacket, his hair is a mess, his face has stubble on his usually clean-shaven face. He looks a little tired, but suddenly oxygen is rushing back into Magnus’ lungs. Alec, _his_ Alec. He didn’t realize how much he missed him, (ok that’ a lie, he did, but he tried to forget in lieu of having fun). But it doesn’t matter now because it’s barely been three days and Magnus has never seen such a beautiful sight. He wonders how it’s possible to simultaneously feel breathless and refreshed.

(He knows it’s because he knows he will never find anything in the world as beautiful as Alec.)

Alec turns his way and they make eye contact and smiles at him; so soft and delicately Magnus almost wants to cry. Alec never gives him those smiles, not anymore, he only did in the beginning when they started to become tentative friends. Since their friendship solidified, it’s all been large, dopey smiles, full of sunshine. Magnus’ liked to think it was _his_ smile, and no one else’s. He misses that smile.

He starts to advance, but then, Alec looks away.

Magnus’ heart cracks—just the tiniest bit and he’s launched back into reality.

He momentarily forgot everything that had happened, he forgot how broken they were. How he was trying to move on. He wasn’t supposed to pin after Alec anymore. So, he doesn’t say hi, he doesn’t go hug Alec, he doesn’t laugh with him, he doesn’t do anything. Instead, he turns away, and orders a drink, knowing that he has to tell Alec eventually, if only he can move on and stop being a pathetic fool in love with his best friend.

For now, though, he needed a distraction.

\---

Magnus is laughing with this guy, he thinks his name is Imasu, he doesn’t really know. He’s been trying all night, not to be conscient of Alec, trying to ignore his presence, trying to ignore the ever-persistent pull to Alec; to orbit around him like he was a star. Magnus tried, tried and _tried_. He needed to move on, but his heart seemed to want to jump out of his chest, he couldn’t even focus on Imasu’s words and he refused to admit it was because his eyes would always find Alec across the room, glued to his every movement. He sees Alec laugh with that Underhill guy, and something dark is born in his chest. He leans into Imasu and flutters his eyelashes, he pretends he isn’t doing this because he’s jealous.

This is what he’s good at. He’s good at seducing, he’s even better at getting what he wants.

(Except Alec, apparently, he can’t get Alec)

He trails a finger down the guy’s chest, and in response he leaned in towards Magnus, as if about to kiss him and Magnus leans in too, because hey, this could be fun. But then he sees a flash at the corner of his eye, and he pulled back, only to realize that it’s Alec, and he’s speeding out the door like his life depended on it.

Magnus almost gets a headrush from how familiar the whole scene is. Déjà vu of himself speeding out the door, in what seemed like a lifetime ago. The only rational answer, of course, is to follow him.

Magnus tries not to think as he rushes away from Imasu that even after everything, he would still drop anything to follow Alec.

(what he does think about it how this would also be the perfect moment to come clean to Alec and tell him— _that he loves him_ )

\---

The cold air hits him like a truck. Sobriety creeping along his spine and he sees Alec standing at the curb, his hands tucked into his pockets as he no doubt waits for a taxi. The neon sign illuminated his figure, playing softly against his sharp features; reminiscent of a beautiful marble statue. Snow drifted lightly in the air and Magnus couldn’t breathe.

He stood still for a few heartbeats, too scared to move, to advance, to break the silence.

This moment looked like those in movies; the angsty romance ones with the happy ending. Where the pining fool chases after his object of affection and pauses when he finally see them. Because they look _so fucking beautiful_ in that moment that the fool just can’t help but pause and admire them. Then of course, walk up to them with stars burning in their eyes and confess them love.

But of course, in the movies, the object of affection always reciprocates spills their feelings too and they kiss— _kiss and kiss_. Until they can’t anymore because they are smiling to hard, because they love each other, no more pining, or angst—it’s just them and the endless possibilities of a future; together. Finally, they get their happy ending.

But this is no movie, this is reality and reality doesn’t work like that.

There will a love declaration, sure, Magnus does need to tell Alec that he loves him. But there will be no reciprocation, there will be no kisses—there will be no _anything_. But Magnus needs to do this. So, he walks forward, clearing his throat as he goes, and Alec looks over at him.

Magnus immediately sees the change in Alec’s posture. He smiles lightly but tenses up and really Magnus can’t blame him. He doesn’t know how to approach this. Him and Magnus have never been this awkward, not even when they first met. Magnus swallows down his heart, which threatens to burst out him and walks forward.

He stops right in front of Alec, who is beautifully awkward, hands stuffed in his pockets and he opens his mouth, “ _Hey_.”

Alec looks at the ground and replies, “hey.”

They fall silent, it’s almost unnerving.

Magnus can’t think of the right words and Alec won’t look at him. He wants to scream because this isn’t how it is supposed to be. He wants to fix this, he wants Alec back, but most of all he wants to stop feeling like a stranger to the person he loves most in the world.

So really, in the end, all Magnus can do is talk. He needs to be brave. He needs to fix this. He needs _Alexander_ back.

So, Magnus takes a deep breath and starts talking, “So—okay I don’t really know how to say this, but I hate this, I hate how distant we are. I hate how this feels like a break up. I hate not being around you, because you are the most important person in my life. I am _so sorry_ about everything but please I need you back, I am sick of feeling like a stranger. I don’t like who I am without you because _you_ make me a better person, you are my heart, you are my mind and gods I don’t know who I am without you. I can’t live without you, and I am not half as good as I am when I am with you. I hate feeling like there are miles between us when we are right beside each other—I hate it because I love you, _fuck_ , there I said it, I _love you_.”

Alec’s eyes widen in response as his mouth falls open in surprise. Immediately Magnus wants to retract his every word, even though he feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He opens his mouth again, hands held up placating,

“I mean— _uh_ , I mean as a friend of course. I love _you_ , Alec Lightwood, my friend—my best friend actually, whom I love, because well you’re Alec and you’re my favourite _friend_ —” Magnus knows he’s rambling, he knows but he continues to do so, until he sees Alec’s face drop, and he freezes.

Alec blinks rapidly and the look is gone and all he says is a quiet, “ _oh_.”

Magnus frowns, “ _oh?_ ”

Alec sighs in response and runs his hands through his hair. Magnus knows he only does that when he’s frustrated and he doesn’t understand, why would _Alec_ be frustrated? Magnus is the one who just spilled his guts—albeit not in a way he wanted to, but _still_. He did it and _now_ Alec has the audacity to look disappointed and frustrated.

“ _Why,_ pray tell _,_ ” Magnus almost growls, “do you look disappointed?”

Alec just shakes his head, “You really don’t get it do you?”

“Get what? What don’t I get?”

Alec just stares at him and Magnus makes a face at him, prompting him to continue.

And Alec does, he pulls himself together, straightening up to his full height as he steps closer, into Magnus’ space and he starts to speak, “You don’t get that I had to take those _business trips_ , which weren’t even business related, to get away from you, you don’t _get_ that I had to leave the bar because I couldn’t stand seeing you there with _that guy_ —”

Magnus steps back, outraged, “ _Well excuse me_ , I didn’t know it had become so _tough_ to be around me.”

Alec just rolls his eyes and steps even closer, until Magnus has to look slightly up at him, “ _Stop it_ , I’m not done, let me finish.”

Magnus harrumphs and motions, _you may continue_.

“You don’t get that I had to go on this trips, that _weren’t_ even business related because I could barely breathe when I was around you, you are everything I want and being your fake boyfriend—getting that chance, to hug you, hold your hand, kiss you—to do everything. I wanted it _so fucking bad_ , so I took the chance, _but_ ,” he stresses, “—but that’s exactly it, I took the chance and it became too much. So close yet so _fucking_ far. And then you ended it, and I was plunged into this black hole of uncertainty, I didn’t know how to act. Then you’re at this bar and you’re smiling—”

Alec breaks off and takes a deep breath,

“—you were smiling, and it wasn’t because of me. So, I needed to leave.”

Magnus’ eyebrows furrowed, confused, Alec couldn’t be saying what he thought he was, so he asked, “what? I—I don’t get it, what—”

“ _Oh my god, Magnus_ ,” Alec exclaimed, “for someone so smart, you can be so dense, _holy shit_.”

Magnus scoffed, “you’re not getting your point across well by insulting me—”

“I am not trying to insult you!” Alec exclaimed, “I _am_ trying to get my point across, but you keep interrupting me!”

Magnus scoffed, “You _literally_ just insulted me, I am _only_ interrupting to defend myself, _jeeezzz.”_ Alec looked ready to tear his hair out, but Magnus could care less. From what he was getting from this is that Alec was sick and tired of him but still being a possessive fuck and Magnus wasn’t going to sit down and take it.

“I am not trying to insult you!” Alec yelled, “If you stopped interrupting, you would see I am trying to tell you that I lov—”

Magnus couldn’t help it, _now_ Alec was blaming him? This was not how this conversation was supposed to go. “Well if you didn’t insult me in the first place then you could tell me what you wanted to t—"

Alec didn’t let Magnus finish, he exploded, with a loud cry, “I AM TRYING TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU!” Alec huffed, “I am fucking _in love with you_. _Holyfuckingshitohmygodthankfuck._ ”

Magnus just stared at him, shocked, so yeah, this definitely wasn’t how Magnus imagined this would go— in fact, this was everything he had ever dreamed off, those words—those _fucking_ words. Alec just told him he loved him, _Alec loves him_ , holy shit—fuck Alexander Lightwood was in love with _Magnus Bane_. And Magnus froze, he froze, and he didn’t say shit.

Alec’s shoulders fell, and his voice quieted, “I am in love with you and it hurts, all the time. Every time I thought maybe things were about to change—the flowers I got you, the kisses, the way we talked, held hands—I forgot we were pretending—and every fucking time I tried to give you signals, you’d just reinforce the idea that we were friends. So—yeah, I had to leave, I was hurt, but it’s okay, I get it, I get that I am your best friend and you love me, just not like that, it’s okay—I just had to tell you—”

Magnus kissed him. For a moment Alec froze and Magnus _almost_ second guessed himself but then Alec melted into him. He pulled him closer by waist and tilted his head just so and it was perfect. Magnus melted right along with him. He never knew—he really didn’t, that a kiss could be so mind-numbingly good yet somehow simultaneously awakening.

Magnus, knew, he knew that this is the type of kiss fairytales talk about. It was the kind of kiss you dream of in fairy-tales. The fireworks, the world shifting on its axis, a warm glow igniting within your chest, but it was also the calm, the steadiness, the peace that comes from a warm fire, or coming home late after a hard day of work. It was everything. And Magnus never wanted it to stop.

He wonders how he ever survived in a world where he didn’t kiss Alec. He knows, they’ve kissed before, sure. But this feels different— _this_ is different. He can feel love exuding from every pore and he can feel it in every movement, every touch and every caress of Alec’s lips. This was different purely because it was _real_. There was no more pining, no more chasing, no more pain; just love.

Alec is the very oxygen Magnus knows he needs to breathe and wonders how he’s ever survived this long without having Alec attached to him for every second of every day.

He knows he’s being dramatic, but he can’t help it. This was the moment he had been dreaming about for as long as he could remember. And he got it, _Magnus Bane got his prince_.

They continue to kiss for awhile, not willing to part for a second. That is until Magnus feels something suspiciously like a raindrop on top of his head. But before he can mention it, it starts pouring and they are both soaked in less than 20 seconds. And of course, the only thing to do in response is laugh.

So, they do, they pull apart from their kiss and they laugh—they laugh, laugh and laugh in each other’s arms.

Magnus peeks at Alec through his no doubt mascara stained eyelashes and his breath catches in his throat. Alec’s hair is sticking to him, he looks messy and his clothes are soaked through, but Magnus has never seen such a beautiful sight. Alec is wearing his signature lopsided smile as he laughs, making his eyes light up and Magnus knows, he _knows_ that not even the sun could rival the brightness that Alec exudes. He is sunshine incarnate, and _god_ does he look appetizing. So, Magnus leans back in, just so he could catch a taste of his smile.

Alec laughs against his mouth and pulls him even closer, spinning him around in his arms and suddenly Magnus is back to laughing.

Magnus’ mind flashes to not even 10 minutes ago, he was doubting everything. Damning romance movies to hell, but in this moment, Magnus knew why they were made, why people believed in fairy-tales. He understood everything.

\---

When they finally pull back, they are both panting and shivering. They look at each other and once again start laughing. Magnus feels giddy; high on the adrenaline dancing through his veins and Alec’s kiss.

He leans up again, because Alec really is that irresistible and kisses him quickly before pulling back, only to cradle Alec’s stubbled covered cheeks, “I love you Alexander Lightwood, I am _in love with you._ I have been since I met you.”

Alec smirks, “I know.”

Magnus scoffs, offended and raises his eyebrow, “Oh really huh?”

Alec snickers and brings their foreheads together, “I love you Magnus Bane, from the moment I saw you smile my way.”

Magnus pretends his laugh isn’t tear-stained and whispers, “we’re such idiots, we could’ve had this from the start.”

Alec nuzzles his nose with his own, “it doesn’t matter, we have it now. The universe knew we were meant to be.”

Magnus just looks at him and he’s overwhelmed with love, “You’re such a sap.”

“Your sap.”

 _True_ , _and I love it_ , Magnus thinks to himself but before he can make his thoughts known, he sneezed.

Alec chuckled and cuddled Magnus in close, he kissed his forehead, “how about we get outta here hmm?”

Magnus smiles back, “Yes, yes please.”

\---

They stumble back to their place— _Magnus has to pause for a moment, because this really is their place and it finally feels right again_ —laughing and stealing kisses the whole way up. Until they’re standing in the darkened space of their living room, breathing heavily as they stare at each other. Their soaked clothes outlined the sharp curves of their bodies, the sound of water droplets the only sound in the room.

Magnus takes a step forward, a challenge in his eye. Alec reciprocates, until their chests are touching, cheeks and noses brushing.

Alec breaks the silence first, “We should probably talk about this.”

Magnus is breathless as he hums in agreement, “Yeah…we probably should.”

Alec swallows hard and bites his lip (Magnus wants to bite it for him), “Or—uh how about we get out of these wet clothes and _talk_ later.”

Magnus smirks, “I like that idea better,” He licks at Alec’s bitten lip and his breath hitches in response, “after all” Magnus continues, a hairsbreadth away, “we have a whole lifetime to talk.”

Alec laughs and they’re kissing again. But this time it’s different, less innocent, less perfect. But nonetheless, filled with an aching love. They stumble together, too wrapped up in each other to properly navigate, but they didn’t care. Not when they had _this_ —had each other.

They giggle and trip, never letting go, with each step, an article of clothing hits the floor. They disappear into a bedroom, doesn’t matter whose, hearts and souls intertwined.

And as they say, _the rest is history_.

\---

It is only later—much later. When the sun is starting to filter lightly into the room that Magnus remembers, as they lay together, big smiles on their faces. He’s laying with his head on Alec’s chest, their hands intertwined, and he whispers, breaking the comfortable silence of the afterglow, “what did you mean when you said, _non-business_ trips?”

Alec flushes in response and shuffles so they are instead laying on their sides, facing each other, and he smiles, “The trips I took—they weren’t actually for work” he explained sheepishly, “I was actually at Izzy’s place and went to volunteer at that animal shelter upstate.”

Magnus scoffs, offended, he swats at Alec’s arm, “and you tell _me_ that _I_ am the dramatic one, oh my _god_.”

Alec frowned playfully, “I had to go somewhere or else I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from dropping to my knees and declaring my undying love for you.”

“As if I would’ve complained,” Magnus rolled his eyes.

“hey! I didn’t know that at the time.”

Magnus bites his lip, because _true_ , neither of them did. But that didn’t stop him from asking one more question, “…and the flowers?”

Alec half shrugged, once again bashful and _holy shit_ Magnus is filled with this insurmountable feeling of love, threatening to overwhelm him because _wow_ Alec is so cute—like seriously the cutest thing Magnus has ever seen and he has this urge to just smatter him in kisses and keep him happy and realized forever, as he is now. And so, he does, dropping soft kisses up Alec’s neck, up to his face. Where he delicately smatters him with kisses all over his cheeks, nose, eyelids, forehead and of course lips. Alec scrunches his nose in satisfaction and Magnus lowkey wants to die.

Finally, though, once Magnus is satisfied with his display of affection, Alec answers;

“I was going to tell you that day, that I loved you—that I was in love with you.” He nudged in closer, his breath fanning out across Magnus’ skin as he stared into Magnus’ eyes; his hazel eyes lit by determination and softened with love, “I was going to announce that I wanted to stop pretending because I wanted something real. Because you—Magnus, _Magnus_ , are everything I ever dreamed of.”

Magnus gaped at him, since when was Alec a poet? Alec smirked, “Ah, Magnus Bane, I do believe I have you speechless.”

Magnus swears to this day that he didn’t blush (he so did) and rolled his eyes, “I am a lot of things Alexander, but I am never speechless.”

Alec just laughed and rolled them over until he was on top. Magnus bit his lip, _he really liked this view_ , and leaned up to kiss Alec, who immediately responded with earnest. Something reminiscent to a burning star consumed Magnus’ entire being and he knew he would be content like this forever. Just him and Alec, tucked away in the solitude of their flat, tracing each other, memorizing each other’s bodies as they traced constellations, both new and old across skin.

Alec pulled away panting, and their eyes locked, “Shall I continue to regale you with my poetic ways?”

Magnus chuckled, “ _Hmmm_ , you can save those for the wedding vows,” Alec’s eyes widened comically, and Magnus just winked, a grin on his face, “how about right now, you regale with poetic _actions_?”

Alec leaned in close, their lips barely brushing, “ _Wedding vows huh?”_

“ _Shut up and kiss me_.”

Alec laughed, “with pleasure.”

\---

And honestly, it finally felt like a happy ending.

(Also, for your information, Alec did regale Magnus with his poetic words and Magnus sobbed like a baby, but so did Alec, because it was their wedding after all.)

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO! I hope you enjoyed it, drop a comment or a kudos, tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you wanna see more of. I love you all forever my angels. xx -S


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